I work in solitude. Some weeks the only person I connect with is the grocery clerk. Even my email is silent unless I need an insurance quote or an enhanced sexual experience. Being a bit of a recluse is not a bad thing, but like everything else in life needs to be experienced in moderation. Right now I need to break my routine aloneness with some family.
Throughout my life I've moved often. The result of leaving family and friends behind has left me leery of making new friends. Each move created pain - the wrenching ache of saying goodby to neighbors, club mates, friends who lunch. The price of embracing the new adventure of relocating is the death of the familiar, the comfortable, the warm hugs of friends. Don't get me wrong, I've loved being able to see so much of our world. I'm just saying that there is a price to pay. Now as I slow down, I realize how much I miss being near to my siblings. Seeing them every couple of years isn't enough. Wuldn't it be nice to be able to grab a cup of coffee with my sister? Or share a bar-b-qued pork chop with a brother?
I have a crazy dram that as we advance into this later stage of life families could reunite, live in a compound, share a big back yard where if we wanted companionship we could grab our cup of coffee or tea and wander outside to chat with family. What a treat it would be to say good morning to the extraordinary people in my family. What a joy to see their smiles, hear their comments, feel their love at the start of my day.
Can you tell how much I miss them? Why aren't I better at keeping in touch? I miss them so much and frequently carry on a lively conversation with them in my mind, but I let weeks, months, years go by without being with them. I want to share in their lives but the habit of not communicating is difficult to break. I must do better.
Or perhaps I fear the reality of close contact with my family cannot match the dream. I'd love to find out. On those rare times when we get to share time and space, I come away more in love with those who share my gene pool. So I'll continue to dream of closeness. I will anticipate the next visit. I will fill my solitude with family memories. Love ya!